Because I don't think we've had enough pervert content on here lately....



Ray Stevens, Its Me Again Margaret

Well, there once was a feller named Willard McVane
and he only had just one thought on his brain
every evening about midnight he'd sneak off alone
and call the same lady on a pay telephone

'It's me again, Margaret...
(evil laughter)
Hello, is this Margaret?
You don't know me, Margaret, but I know you.'

Well, this upset the lady and it gave her the blues
so she called up the police, said 'What shall I do?'
the chief of detectives came round to her home
and eavesdropped upon them on her upstairs phone

'It's me again, Margaret...
(evil laughter)
Hello, is this Margaret?
Margaret, i know it's you, Margaret
Are you naked?
(more evil laughter)'

Well, they called up Ma Bell and they traced him on down
to a funky old phone booth on the outskirts of town
it was there that the vice squad with their field glasses read
the lips of that amorous man as he said

'It's me again, Margaret...
(evil laughter)
Hello? Is this...is this Margaret?
(evil laughter)
I know it's you, Margaret
I bet you can't guess what I'm doing...'

Well, they cuffed him and dragged him to the station downtown
and they allowed him one phone call 'fore the jailer came round
he wet his chapped lips and he cleared his young throat
then he dialed the telephone and softly he spoke

'It's me again, Margaret...
(evil laughter)
They got me, Margaret
You ain't going to miss me, Margaret, I know that,
but I'll miss you
(more evil laughter)

And when I get out, Margaret
I'm going to come over there with an egg beater
and a live chicken, and some peach preserves!
We'll have a good old time, Margaret......

Oh yes, and we can not forget The Streak...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85krLPrWWTY

Don't any of you get any ideas though.

WTF??????????

Strokin' Clarence Carter

When I start makin' love
I don't just make love...
I be strokin'
That's what I be doin', huh
I be strokin'

I stroke it to the east
And I stroke it to the west
And I stroke it to the woman that I love the best
I be strokin'

Let me ask you somethin'...
What time of the day do you like to make love
Have you ever made love just before breakfast
Have you ever made love while you watched the late, late show
Well, let me ask you this
Have you ever made love on a couch
Well, let me ask you this
Have you ever made love on the back seat of a car
I remember one time I made love on the back seat of a car
And the police came and shined his light on me, and I said:
'I'm strokin', that's what I'm doin', I be strokin''

I stroke it to the east
And I stroke it to the west
And I stroke it to the woman that I love the best
I be strokin'

Let me ask you something...
How long has it been since you made love, huh?
Did you make love yesterday
Did you make love last week
Did you make love last year
Or maybe it might be that you plannin' on makin' love tonight
But just remember, when you start making love
You make it hard, long, soft, short
And be strokin'
I be strokin'

I stroke it to the east
And I stroke it to the west
And I stroke it to the woman that I love the best, huh
I be strokin'

Now when I start making love to my woman
I don't stop until I know she's sas-ified
And I can always tell when she gets sas-ified
'Cause when she gets sas-fied she start calling my name
She'd say: 'Clarence Carter, Clarence Carter, Clarence Carter
Clarence Carter, ooooh shit, Clarence Carter'
The other night I was strokin' my woman
And it got so good to her, you know what she told me
Let me tell you what she told me, she said:
'Stroke it Clarence Carter, but don't stroke so fast
If my stuff ain't tight enough, you can stick it up my...' WOO!

I be strokin' Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
I be strokin'

I stroke it to the east
And I stroke it to the west
And I stroke it to the woman that I love the best, huh
I be strokin'
I be strokin' Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
I be strokin', Yeah!
I be strokin'

I stroke it to the north
I stroke it to the south
I stroke it everywhere
I even stroke it with my... WOO!

I be strokin'
I be strokin' Ha! Ha!
I be strokin'

Masochism Tango by Dr. Demento

I ache for the touch of your lips, dear,
But much more for the touch of your whips, dear.
You can raise welts
Like nobody else,
As we dance to the masochism tango.

Let our love be a flame, not an ember,
Say its me that you want to dismember.
Blacken my eye,
Set fire to my tie,
As we dance to the masochism tango.

At your command
Before you here I stand,
My heart is in my hand. ecch!
Its here that I must be.
My heart entreats,
Just hear those savage beats,
And go put on your cleats
And come and trample me.
Your heart is hard as stone or mahogany,
Thats why Im in such exquisite agony.

My soul is on fire,
Its aflame with desire,
Which is why I perspire
When we tango.

You caught my nose
In your left castanet, love,
I can feel the pain yet, love,
Evry time I hear drums.
And I envy the rose
That you held in your teeth, love,
With the thorns underneath, love,
Sticking into your gums.

Your eyes cast a spell that bewitches.
The last time I needed twenty stitches
To sew up the gash
That you made with your lash,
As we danced to the masochism tango.

Bash in my brain,
And make me scream with pain,
Then kick me once again,
And say well never part.
I know too well
Im underneath your spell,
So, darling, if you smell
Something burning, its my heart.
Excuse me!

Take your cigarette from its holder,
And burn your initials in my shoulder.
Fracture my spine,
And swear that youre mine,
As we dance to the masochism tango.

...And I thought I had issues. I feel better about myself now

I like this one Kind of psychotic, but not really funny or strange.



Tonic
Lemon Parade (1996)
If you Could Only See

If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me
Well you got your reasons
And you got your lies
And you got your manipulations
They cut me down to size
Sayin' you love but you don't
You give your love but you won't
If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me
Seems the road less traveled
Show's happiness unraveled
And you got to take a little dirt
To keep what you love
That's what you gotta do
Sayin' you love but you don't
You give your love but you won't
You're stretching out your arms to something that's just not there
Sayin' you love where you stand
Give your heart when you can
If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me
Sayin' you love but you don't
You give your love but you won't
Sayin' you love where you stand
Give your heart when you can
If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about or love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me

Any one want to give me their thoughts on what they think this one means?


Sunny came home to her favorite room
Sunny sat down in the kitchen
She opened a book and a box of tools
Sunny came home with a mission


She says days go by I'm hypnotized
I'm walking on a wire
I close my eyes and fly out of my mind
Into the fire


Sunny came home with a list of names
She didn't believe in transcendence
It's time for a few small repairs she said
Sunny came home with a vengeance


She says days go by I don't know why
I'm walking on a wire
I close my eyes and fly out of my mind
Into the fire


Get the kids and bring a sweater
Dry is good and wind is better
Count the years, you always knew it
Strike a match, go on and do it


Days go by I'm hypnotized
I'm walking on a wire
I close my eyes and fly out of my mind
Into the fire
Light the sky and hold on tight
The world is burning down
She's out there on her own and she's alright
Sunny came home
Sunny came home...